The Converted Skeptic

To be perfectly honest, when I first read about the shift from Indigo to Crystal/Octarine I was highly skeptical. I had no problem thinking of myself as an Indigo, the described characteristics fit (see links below) - and more than that, the term "Indigo" felt right, and after years of study and meditation, years of learning to differentiate between thoughts and emotions that are mine and those that belong to others, I have learned to trust my feelings. But a shift from Indigo to Crystal? Who was kidding who? At the time I thought it must be just another way for indigos to divide themselves into even smaller and more specialized groups.

I was wrong.

I didn't think anything could top the transition I went through between the ages of 28 and 30. It was a rude awakening, to say the least. My awareness shifted drastically. Within the course of two years everything I thought I knew, everything I had thought was real, everything I believed in had been proven to be nothing more than an illusion. Coming from a fundamentalist Christian background, I had no frame of reference for what was happening. When I finally "emerged" on the far side at the age of thirty, I found myself aware of things - attuned to things - that I could hardly understand.

It took me a decade to adjust to the changes that began when I was 28. Daily meditation, yoga, pilates, they all helped me tremendously and remain an active part of my life. And now, just when I finally thought I had a grip on my new reality - here I go again!

I began the transition to Crystal (or Octarine if you will) a little less than a year ago (I am 39). My first sign was when I began showing extreme sensitivites to perfumes of all sorts I would have to hold my breath while going through a department store and being on the subway - with everyone wearing different scents - was absolute torture! This was followed closely by allergic reactions to soaps and laundry detergents that I had been using for years - and many of the clothes that I had been wearing suddenly felt annoyingly heavy or rough.

Sensitivty to sound came next. While I had always had an aversion to large crowds due to empathic "gifts", now being in large crowds was an audial nightmare. I could hear everything. And music...I had always enjoyed a variety of musical genres. While I still do enjoy many kinds of music, some (particularly rock and metal) I can only listen to in small does now. I find myself craving more soothing sounds - ambiant and "nature CD's, chants, and nearly anything by Isreal Kamaowiwo'ole. But scent and texture and sound, while important, couldn't hold a candle to the visual changes that began about six months ago.

I had always had bursts of clearsightedness - where for a few precious moments seemingly normal everyday things; a tree, my cat, a particular cloud formation, would take on a sharpness, a vividness that would leave me nearly breathless with wonder. But one morning, about six months ago, I woke up (after a dream about fog; wandering through fog and coming out on a mountaintop where I could suddenly see everything) to find that I could see everything. The clarity that I had only enjoyed brief glimpses of came - and stayed. While phenomenally thrilling - this clarity still had its downside, for when I was in large crowds of people - or large stores - I saw everything - every detail, every pulled thread, every ugly look, every scuff mark and speck of dirt. It was at times (especially if I hadn't put up sufficient shields), overwhelming.

And finally came taste. About four months ago I sat down to a steak dinner at a fancy resteraunt - took one bite -and nearly threw up. I thought it was a fluke - that I must be ill - but have since discovered that even the smell of cooking meat now makes me ill. I have not eaten any red meat in over four months - chicken in two months - and while I can still occasionally eat fish, it has begun tasting rather...fishy. But it wasn't just meat.

The extreme sensitivity to taste expanded, like it or not, to incude coffee. I began to be affected by an acidity of the stomach whenever I drank coffee, and it would leave a nastily bitter taste on my tongue. I used to be an avid coffee drinker; drinking 5-6 cups a day. Within just four weeks I went from 6 cups a day to 2 cups a day, and now I only drink it occasionally (usually when it is offered in an office meeting setting or on rare occasions one of those Mocha concoctions sold by Starbucks). I also had to start using a filter on my water, because I found that I could taste trace elements; chlorine and other things in regular tap water. I also had to start making more of my foods from scratch because I found myself gagging on the undefinable flavors of additives in things like maccaroni and cheese, spaghetti sauce, and canned soups.

At first my husband was convinced that I was going mad; I threw out half of the clothes I owned under the pretext of their no longer being "me". I started cooking vegetarian because I couldn't bring myself to handle the meat in any way shape or form (let alone eat it!). I boxed up most of the knicknacks that were cluttering up our shelves because they made me feel chlostrophobic. In short, I turned my life - and the life of my family - upside down.

My girls have taken it fairly well, but with one being an Indigo and the other a Crystal (a story in its own right) that was only to be expected. My poor husband on the other hand, so open-minded in so many ways, is completely clueless when it comes to this. I have tried to explain what I am feeling and, when I can't put a physical label - like menopause (too young) - or hormonal shifts (not pregnant) - he just stares at me blankly. He doesn't understand how things; feelings; perceptions can just shift - with no logical (or biological) reason. But they have - oh my yes they have, and just as I thought things couldn't get any weirder, about two weeks ago reality itself began to twist out of true...

TO BE CONTINUED.